Tuesday, April 22, 2008

HereI am at the manhattan beach public library. Ithink that i f I lose the threatening feelng, gaining the everythign will be allright feeling, then I will lose 3/4 of the lust. the other 1/4 will be easily manageable I think. as I gain an environment that will be conducive to love and karma. Today I went to 826LA and worked with some kids (emmanuel and I forgot) with masks, and there was this other girl who was sitting there and made an opera mask. I made an ugly minnie mouse robot mask for a guy and told him that if mickey saw him, mickey would isnantly gt a divorce. That set him off in a bout of laughter, which sent the girl off also. The feeling that everyting is going to be allright often is accompanied with constructiveness. So when I study long and hard and know everything on a test I can feel that "everything is going to be allright" I know I have been constructive. I think another 1/8 will be diminished by the constant dancing and exercise motif so that only 1/8 of the lust will actually remain. This I can allay with a Let me not look around policy, but of course a part of me does want to indulge. It is so easy to know that there is no such thing as a lust

Sunday, March 9, 2008

March 9, 2008

I thought everything was dead, but everythign is NOT Dead.
Everything has become alive live live . alive live live . alive-man laid an egg.

It should be stated that at any moment of imprisonment, there is the possability, no matter how small, there lies the possibility, and of course the inevitability that the escape will come, and one should brace oneself, because it may come all of a sudden. what a rush of excitement. just thinking about it can be.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

March 5, 2008

In a late blitzkrieg of information... mainly for the purpose of direction finding.
writing some epic about an eskimo tribe and some guy who must go on a mission to hunt some giant wolves in the northern forrest.. craz mission with two convicts (only volunteers). I just want him to be gnawed at by wolves for justice. A modern sisiphys. Work in the Oswaldo lab is disjointed... i have been taking more advantage of the irreplaceable resources provided me in the facilities of UCLA. I can see that my constant connection with appropriate media in the form of podcasts and ripped audiobooks has provided me with a ready quick access fund of vocabulary. I find that my writing and oftentimes formal speech has become more fluent. My lab-mate Yeesul was acting silly today. We played cards with her deck of Western blot transfer paper strip-deck. Oh a funny accident. today we were measuring distance in a given time for Omid's 7th grade project. We went back and forth in the street in front of his house. we were on the sixth lap in our 3 minute course, when an exasperated mother in a SUV pulled up and started asking for directions, we slowed down to respond but couldn't fully, first I went and said a few words and pointed my hand, and then omid was shufflying behind me and had his chance but eventually both of us deserted the poor women who stood there baffled and bewildered. not to mentioned already lost.
I met Tamara at some Neurosci lecture, she was there to fullfill some requirement. I will see her tommorow also. She has a piercing face, and playful heart. I think she's jewish, she has a jewish nose, i suppose. I don't know.
Odd thing but I think ever since my december trip up north the arsenic took a nasty turn.
In the journal club I have sent emails but no one has responded. In my survey of potential careers, i have lighted upon for biology for its ready factual database of interesting knowledge., ready for manipulation and probing... As well asmedicine for the duty side, the compassionate side of me that feels bad that those around me must suffer so much more terrible slings than I.