Good morning, we'll try one last taaaaaime.
most people wouldn't think 11: 47 PM a " morning" but
I've pulled an average of 3 and half hours of sleep for the last 3 days. just because i have had to do overtime for these damn tests coming next week and these stupid labs that are due. not to mention a MCAT practice on the 17th of march and UCSF workshop.
I fell asleep at 7:00PM and now have just got up. Mybody made sure that my brain ran a very interesting dream, where there was a big mystery about the whole thing, and that it was just about to be discovered,... what happens is a large asian man like Nolan Kim jumps off a cliff to impress people and he just floats on the water, and, I'm floating down to see what happened.
Nothing with Chr. today... it felt horr.
A thousand years from now, if I'm born on this planet.... I will ride dolphins to a place called Makinli, one of the last surviving islands. There would have been rumors that it was once a mountain.
HWK.
Diels alder...
the days of diels alder are here, and they are not going anywhere.
so we add to cyclodienes and one acts like a dienophile and the other acts like a diene
and somehow they end up sticking together. Well not just somehow. I mean lets look it up. I'm sure there isi a plus charge that develops in one place and it is similar to friedel crafts.
The damn thing needs to be cracked. because the damn thing is a mess. I bleeding mess. i mean at room temperature can you beleive the thing form into a dimer with the cyclopentene at the endo end of it. so with a little heat. it can be made into two cyclodienes. Well it will take more than a little heat.
Once it was cracked.
I don't belong in medschool.
so once it was cracked, my lab notebook is a mess. its 1:20AM, i'm trying to start, i found out i ddidn't even record the yield, i remember throwing the shit down the drain though. like a goddamn mess. what's the big idea
Friday, February 23, 2007
Saturday, February 17, 2007
February 17, 2006
Young MC says girls might be like this:
In the city ladies look pretty
Guys tell jokes so they can seem witty
Tell a funny joke just to get some play
Then you try to make a move and she says "no way"
Girls a fakin' ... goodness sakin'
They want a man who brings home the bacon
Got no money and you got no car
Then you got no woman and there you are
I won't beleive it.
In Mariah Carey's Alway be my baby. I was hearing "Shawn Kenner and the feeling's strong"
I was like who the freak is Shawn Kenner
the real lyrics were "Time can't er-ase a feeling strong"
I didn't expect the shakespearean Post-noun adjective.
In the city ladies look pretty
Guys tell jokes so they can seem witty
Tell a funny joke just to get some play
Then you try to make a move and she says "no way"
Girls a fakin' ... goodness sakin'
They want a man who brings home the bacon
Got no money and you got no car
Then you got no woman and there you are
I won't beleive it.
In Mariah Carey's Alway be my baby. I was hearing "Shawn Kenner and the feeling's strong"
I was like who the freak is Shawn Kenner
the real lyrics were "Time can't er-ase a feeling strong"
I didn't expect the shakespearean Post-noun adjective.
Friday, February 16, 2007
February 16, 2006
West. tsk tsk tsk. you crazy west. Its a good thing you weren't North, because you have no direction, and every sailor would have died at sea.
Christi... I tried to convince me that she just wants to be a friend, but she is arresting in her looks, and when she's there with a PLAYFUL smile waiting for me to make her chuckle, I can't speak, can't think i have to look away and just pretend i'm actually interested in what's in the scope. I was huge today, because I couldn't just be with her. I ran from station to station, making random girls laugh. when it came time to do the lecture. I was reporting on the plankton that float on top, called palagic plankton. At the end of it, I concluded with the remark that "often they will agregate at the top in groups of four and that is called a quadra-palagic. "
Not a single person laughed, I waited a 3/4 of a second, so I said, "that was a joke"
then they laughed
but out of the corner of my eye I made sure that she had that smile on her face. She must have a good life. Me putting my energies into making her smile. I have a good life too. I get to create it and then I get to see it shine. but come on... just friends. She's not a nerd-lover for the love of god, Its like she likes feathers because she likes to be tickled.
Erin. so many girls. and i don't want any of em except the one that doesn't want me.
And every second that I'm away from her, and them ,.... yes i am free.
free to meat a spiritual animus, free to jive, free to speak and jive, free to cry and sing to the winds of dark SF alleyways. Free to think about the wisdom and the terrors, free to learn the nitty gritty, the dirty little secret of the mind, free to explore the feeling of "someday somerhere there is a perfect forever" and I'm probably thinking about love.
You see, Christi is pretty sweet, but what if she is just human, and she is. I'm hers, but over time, what'll happen?She's such a sweatheart though,.... sarcastic but without the cynicism.
Christi... I tried to convince me that she just wants to be a friend, but she is arresting in her looks, and when she's there with a PLAYFUL smile waiting for me to make her chuckle, I can't speak, can't think i have to look away and just pretend i'm actually interested in what's in the scope. I was huge today, because I couldn't just be with her. I ran from station to station, making random girls laugh. when it came time to do the lecture. I was reporting on the plankton that float on top, called palagic plankton. At the end of it, I concluded with the remark that "often they will agregate at the top in groups of four and that is called a quadra-palagic. "
Not a single person laughed, I waited a 3/4 of a second, so I said, "that was a joke"
then they laughed
but out of the corner of my eye I made sure that she had that smile on her face. She must have a good life. Me putting my energies into making her smile. I have a good life too. I get to create it and then I get to see it shine. but come on... just friends. She's not a nerd-lover for the love of god, Its like she likes feathers because she likes to be tickled.
Erin. so many girls. and i don't want any of em except the one that doesn't want me.
And every second that I'm away from her, and them ,.... yes i am free.
free to meat a spiritual animus, free to jive, free to speak and jive, free to cry and sing to the winds of dark SF alleyways. Free to think about the wisdom and the terrors, free to learn the nitty gritty, the dirty little secret of the mind, free to explore the feeling of "someday somerhere there is a perfect forever" and I'm probably thinking about love.
You see, Christi is pretty sweet, but what if she is just human, and she is. I'm hers, but over time, what'll happen?She's such a sweatheart though,.... sarcastic but without the cynicism.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
February 15, 2006
Dear Mr. , I mean Professor Erden, we don't have time to make our lab reports immaculate, elsevierian templates of intellectual glory. while working on the old one, I already have the new one to start. I am a bit baffled by your expectations, but am glad your challenging us. and I'm not glad that I sometimes feel like my dad. what a sad thing it is to sound like a go-getting finao(failure is not an option) dad. that ruined my mood.
I have to mention one thing. In lab today, which was a bit tedious.. well, there have always been these two kind of homely looking asian girls, and all they did was talk to each to each other in Chinese and do things together. They were a little cold to everyone else in lab. Today, I saw they had put their sample in the beaker, as you were supposed to, but I noticed a red color,
"wo, what's that, yours changed color?"
"no , it was a graduated cylinder, "
"yeah right, wow, look at that red, that is amazing"
at this she burst out laughing, her asian partner didn't knwo what was wrong with her she just looked at her and then at me, with an expression, "what did you do to her?", you wily magician."
It actually was kind of funny because it wa a graduated cylinder with a red bottom, as is common, and it was just sitting in the ice bath, it actually was the most unamazing thing, but a fool could easily just look and see a red color, and stupidly think that it was the new years extravaganza of color chemistry. man am I a fool, an international fool.
I have to mention one thing. In lab today, which was a bit tedious.. well, there have always been these two kind of homely looking asian girls, and all they did was talk to each to each other in Chinese and do things together. They were a little cold to everyone else in lab. Today, I saw they had put their sample in the beaker, as you were supposed to, but I noticed a red color,
"wo, what's that, yours changed color?"
"no , it was a graduated cylinder, "
"yeah right, wow, look at that red, that is amazing"
at this she burst out laughing, her asian partner didn't knwo what was wrong with her she just looked at her and then at me, with an expression, "what did you do to her?", you wily magician."
It actually was kind of funny because it wa a graduated cylinder with a red bottom, as is common, and it was just sitting in the ice bath, it actually was the most unamazing thing, but a fool could easily just look and see a red color, and stupidly think that it was the new years extravaganza of color chemistry. man am I a fool, an international fool.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
February 14, 2006 (Valentine's Day)
"oh, Christi, How wonderful life is while you're in the world"
I was in the fourth grade today. and guess who chose to sit next to me today in computer lab. Christi!
And she hit me! she said, "I don't know but I feel like hitting you"
and I said, "oh, that's not good. "
ha!, it was very very good.
Jamie, the TA, called me a creep and made me leave, but she was half-joking.
I think Christie sees me as a funny friend. i made sure not to look for very long into her eyes at any one time. only two occassions, and they were very short. I couldn't leave the lab, even after I was done, because Christie was there. She must have known, some guys were leaving and waiting for me, but I wouldn't leave, I kept trying to help Christie, but screwing her up, and it was funny to both of us.
R:"So what are you doing for Valentines day."
C:"Oh, nothing, i mean , i don't really celebrate it. "
R:"Yeah, my dad is the same way, he thinks its a ploy to get peoples money"
C:"yeah I mean , isn't it. like Hallmark"
R:"I guess, but I mean you don't see anything to the novel celebration of it for you know.... good feeling of one person to another."
"well... yeah well maybe if I was a couple.
"Yeah I'm not doing anythign either, its kind of a bummer, i mean it was good back in the day like in 3rd grade,and we all got cards.
"Yeah i know, and i baked my class 86 cupcakes"
"so you like to bake huh?"
"yup"
"did you ever have one of those plastic things for kids where they--"
"an easybake ,of course"
"-) oh."
"yeah but I dont' think it was really practical to have kids wait thirty mintues for a light to go off and get one brownie."
"yeah its a good thing those things they werent' dangerous either. I wouldn't want kids commititng suicide with their easy bakes. "
"you're just a ray of sunshine aren't you?"
Note: even if the last line was sarcasm, what a great thing for her to say!
oh well... no biggie, she will go back to her beerguzzling punkmusic listening white friends. and all will be good.
It's true I didn't ask her to do anything with me. It would have been too much. It would have scared her off. I'll take the slow approach. If she liked me today, she should like me tommorow and a week from now and months from now, and I for her. I'm testing myself too, you know. She is beautiful still...
oh a stupid joke. I said our change on the phylogenetic tree was "revolutionary"
and she said it was "evolutionary." she's making herself a nerd. interesting.
HWK(SKIP)
biology. an art. yes?
okay here we go.
so I missed lecture this morning so i am going to investigate the whereabouts. First look at the syllabus.
Origins of life
-Life is a continuum? it extends from the earliest organisms through various "phylogenetic" branches" to the great variety of forms alive today.
-The "diversification" of life on Earth began over 3.8 billion yrs ago.
-Geologic events have altered bioevolution. (Pangea's breakeup)
-life has changed the planet also. (O2 releasing bacteria have formed the atmosphere, Homosapiens have changed land water air)
In a phylogenetic tree. one can see the major life shaping episodes.
God the extinction of dinosaurs was so not far ago. precambrian and paleozoic are huge. jeez.
Instead of timeline you can use a clock analogy:
1-cell eukaryotes at around 7:30PM, Spermy origin of fungi and animals at 9PM
Earth is about 4.5 to 4.6 billion years old. jee that's ancient
and it took a billion years b/f life showed up.
In the first 2 billion years. there were just microscopic unicellular aquatic things, so if you took a time machine, you probably wouldn't notice anything.
No fossils found in those old 3.8bil rocks.
oldest were australian 3.5 billers and those were already bacteria looking.. so life musta stoarted way b/f.
prokaryotes dominated 3.5 to 2. THere was a split along the way, where it split into bact and archaea
Stromatolites are a great place to see what happened ... these are mats of fossilized microbes. They are from vent habitats.
Life on young earth:
very hot from volcano
meteors all over the place.
sun is a bitch(no ozone)
hardly any O2,
Water, H2, Methane, Ammonia, CO2, CO, Nitrogen and H2S all in theair.
a REDUCING atmosphere..... gives electrons. so alkanes were being made if ever.
MOST scientists think that life here came from dead materials that joined together(probionts) that were capable of replicating and metagolism.
Greeks had a similar idea of spontaneous generation.
Louis Pasteur conducted broth experiments that said NO to the idea of spontaneous genereation of microbes. spoil only by INVASION from outside.
biogenesis says all life today came only by reproduction of preexisitng life. but No O2, intense energy sources but very conducive conditions for the start of living organisms.
so one credible hypoth is chem and phys props gave rise.
4stage scenario
1. small organic molecules
2. polymerization
3. selfreplication
4. packaging into protobionts
This has been tested. 1920's they synthesized organic compounds from organic precursors. reducing environment, helps simple molecs to become more complicated ones. Lightning and uV provided good energy.
Miller and Urey tested the hypothesis by creaing conditions of early earth.
Many amino acids were made. and fatty acids, sugars. all 5 nucleotides, ATP.
Abiotic synthesis of simple organic monomers:
Abiotic origins says no enzymes or cell equipment needed for POLYMERIZATION.
life is what i got, its within my reach.
polymers are formed in CONDENSATIOn reacitions that allowed formation of H20 through Hydrolysis. (really? I thought hydrolysis was the cleavage by H20
Polymers ahve been created by dripping water on rocks and sand. ... polypeptides were created by dripping amino acids on hot sand. Zinc and iron will make them even longer.
Short polymers of ribonucleotides can be synthsezied in the lab.
if it is added to a bunch of monomers. then it will pair up to its complement on its own. the first step to self replication. With Zinc it gets up to 40 base pairs.
1st genes were short strand of RNA. RNA molecules are important catalysts, (ribozymes)
RNA molecules could probably replicate with the help of ribozymes.
Lab experiments have shown RNA seq can happen in abiotic conditions.
RNA molec have a genotype. nucleotide seq and a phenotype, 3D shape.
Under particular conditions, some RNA sequences are more stable and replicate faster. selection screens for most stable for self replication. RNA was a scaffold holding some amino acids to gehter so that they could form a weak link. its here today with rRNA. could make its own enzyme replicator perhaps.
Before living cells.... protobionts. they could isolate one environemtn from another surrounding one. Like liposomes. a moleular bilayer is formed at the end of a droplet.
THey grow, engulf give birth. . welll, protobionts dont' reproduce precisely.If enzymes are around they are incorporated into the droplets. and the protobionts can take in substrates. and give off product.
I mean protobionts oculd have incorporated catalylsts but no real developed enzymes please. even with good life, it needs replication method to keep going.
Natural Selection could refine those with hereditary info.
"molecular cooperation between protobiont and RNA.
ie RNA needs nice environ to make enzyme. and not have it snatched away by other RNA. and the protobiont could use the energy for its own purposes
offspring would have a mutation and so variation. (beginning of biotic diversity)
First organisms were chemoheterotrophic prokaryotes
chemoheterotrophs are those who ate for energy and carbon, they ate ATP.
First Crisis: the loss of abiotically formed ATP.
solved by glycolysis.
ten steps and ten enzymes.
with O2 pyruvate enters respiration.
but with out it you get pyruvate.
the net result is 2net ATP and 2NADH.
Second Crisis: loss of abiotically formed organic compounds in glycolysis.
those that could make their own organic compounds were favored.
Hence the autotrophs.
probalby used light to drive lectrons from H2S to fix CO2 into sugar. "photoautotrophs. "
no o2 production yet.
this is still 2.5 to 3.5 billion years ago. Sulfur is from the vents and volcanoes
then there was a switch someone decided to use H2O to fix Co2 into sugar, the cyanobacteria.... 2.5 billion years ago. THESE release 02 into the environment, had prokaryotes that acted like chloroplasts. THis 02 was toxic to most anaerobic organisms and killed many ofhtem off.
Third Crisis: accumulation of O2 in atmosphere.
selection favored those who tolerated andused it to their advantage... hence aerobic respiration. so there were prokaryotes that acted like mitochondria. so thi has been the reign of the great prokaryotes from 2-2.5 billion years ago.
great. so now i must fend off the angst that comes with having no date on valentines. should I dive into my MCAT and finish off the physics sections... sound like a deal...
Chips ahoy!
I just wrote this cool rap. now i just have to mix it. silly dell has no microphone software.
Afterwords
Woulda wondered the dimensions of my past life.
How many times have I gone through the same strife
‘nother kid , and ‘nother car on the freeway.
accident Heartattack or bad disease.
No stopping the one thing that keeps running on anyway.
Marley right, not a nuke but the sickled black clown of the cabaret..
Don’t tell me aint worth thinkin bout every now and then.
When the sky shakes on an airplane.and a man dies insane.
Wheres the love in the bleak dark in the quick change of scenery
When rats nibble on my crippled eye , it aint what I had in mind in the gallery
Fifty thousand years of discovery and still not a sound bout continuing.
It’s a matter of fact opposites attract. The born and the give back.belly up chest in.
So yo act like the big man on the thronery. Beer flows and gold shines like embezzelry
And your punch hits tremendously, precision swing and gallantry.
Your face rots off nyaheart bursts while sittin on a toiletseat.
Then the clowns makes parade of yo peasantry.
Wise don’t get that much time on the radio,
Wise to figure to be fearless. Its time to know.
I was in the fourth grade today. and guess who chose to sit next to me today in computer lab. Christi!
And she hit me! she said, "I don't know but I feel like hitting you"
and I said, "oh, that's not good. "
ha!, it was very very good.
Jamie, the TA, called me a creep and made me leave, but she was half-joking.
I think Christie sees me as a funny friend. i made sure not to look for very long into her eyes at any one time. only two occassions, and they were very short. I couldn't leave the lab, even after I was done, because Christie was there. She must have known, some guys were leaving and waiting for me, but I wouldn't leave, I kept trying to help Christie, but screwing her up, and it was funny to both of us.
R:"So what are you doing for Valentines day."
C:"Oh, nothing, i mean , i don't really celebrate it. "
R:"Yeah, my dad is the same way, he thinks its a ploy to get peoples money"
C:"yeah I mean , isn't it. like Hallmark"
R:"I guess, but I mean you don't see anything to the novel celebration of it for you know.... good feeling of one person to another."
"well... yeah well maybe if I was a couple.
"Yeah I'm not doing anythign either, its kind of a bummer, i mean it was good back in the day like in 3rd grade,and we all got cards.
"Yeah i know, and i baked my class 86 cupcakes"
"so you like to bake huh?"
"yup"
"did you ever have one of those plastic things for kids where they--"
"an easybake ,of course"
"-) oh."
"yeah but I dont' think it was really practical to have kids wait thirty mintues for a light to go off and get one brownie."
"yeah its a good thing those things they werent' dangerous either. I wouldn't want kids commititng suicide with their easy bakes. "
"you're just a ray of sunshine aren't you?"
Note: even if the last line was sarcasm, what a great thing for her to say!
oh well... no biggie, she will go back to her beerguzzling punkmusic listening white friends. and all will be good.
It's true I didn't ask her to do anything with me. It would have been too much. It would have scared her off. I'll take the slow approach. If she liked me today, she should like me tommorow and a week from now and months from now, and I for her. I'm testing myself too, you know. She is beautiful still...
oh a stupid joke. I said our change on the phylogenetic tree was "revolutionary"
and she said it was "evolutionary." she's making herself a nerd. interesting.
HWK(SKIP)
biology. an art. yes?
okay here we go.
so I missed lecture this morning so i am going to investigate the whereabouts. First look at the syllabus.
Origins of life
-Life is a continuum? it extends from the earliest organisms through various "phylogenetic" branches" to the great variety of forms alive today.
-The "diversification" of life on Earth began over 3.8 billion yrs ago.
-Geologic events have altered bioevolution. (Pangea's breakeup)
-life has changed the planet also. (O2 releasing bacteria have formed the atmosphere, Homosapiens have changed land water air)
In a phylogenetic tree. one can see the major life shaping episodes.
God the extinction of dinosaurs was so not far ago. precambrian and paleozoic are huge. jeez.
Instead of timeline you can use a clock analogy:
1-cell eukaryotes at around 7:30PM, Spermy origin of fungi and animals at 9PM
Earth is about 4.5 to 4.6 billion years old. jee that's ancient
and it took a billion years b/f life showed up.
In the first 2 billion years. there were just microscopic unicellular aquatic things, so if you took a time machine, you probably wouldn't notice anything.
No fossils found in those old 3.8bil rocks.
oldest were australian 3.5 billers and those were already bacteria looking.. so life musta stoarted way b/f.
prokaryotes dominated 3.5 to 2. THere was a split along the way, where it split into bact and archaea
Stromatolites are a great place to see what happened ... these are mats of fossilized microbes. They are from vent habitats.
Life on young earth:
very hot from volcano
meteors all over the place.
sun is a bitch(no ozone)
hardly any O2,
Water, H2, Methane, Ammonia, CO2, CO, Nitrogen and H2S all in theair.
a REDUCING atmosphere..... gives electrons. so alkanes were being made if ever.
MOST scientists think that life here came from dead materials that joined together(probionts) that were capable of replicating and metagolism.
Greeks had a similar idea of spontaneous generation.
Louis Pasteur conducted broth experiments that said NO to the idea of spontaneous genereation of microbes. spoil only by INVASION from outside.
biogenesis says all life today came only by reproduction of preexisitng life. but No O2, intense energy sources but very conducive conditions for the start of living organisms.
so one credible hypoth is chem and phys props gave rise.
4stage scenario
1. small organic molecules
2. polymerization
3. selfreplication
4. packaging into protobionts
This has been tested. 1920's they synthesized organic compounds from organic precursors. reducing environment, helps simple molecs to become more complicated ones. Lightning and uV provided good energy.
Miller and Urey tested the hypothesis by creaing conditions of early earth.
Many amino acids were made. and fatty acids, sugars. all 5 nucleotides, ATP.
Abiotic synthesis of simple organic monomers:
Abiotic origins says no enzymes or cell equipment needed for POLYMERIZATION.
life is what i got, its within my reach.
polymers are formed in CONDENSATIOn reacitions that allowed formation of H20 through Hydrolysis. (really? I thought hydrolysis was the cleavage by H20
Polymers ahve been created by dripping water on rocks and sand. ... polypeptides were created by dripping amino acids on hot sand. Zinc and iron will make them even longer.
Short polymers of ribonucleotides can be synthsezied in the lab.
if it is added to a bunch of monomers. then it will pair up to its complement on its own. the first step to self replication. With Zinc it gets up to 40 base pairs.
1st genes were short strand of RNA. RNA molecules are important catalysts, (ribozymes)
RNA molecules could probably replicate with the help of ribozymes.
Lab experiments have shown RNA seq can happen in abiotic conditions.
RNA molec have a genotype. nucleotide seq and a phenotype, 3D shape.
Under particular conditions, some RNA sequences are more stable and replicate faster. selection screens for most stable for self replication. RNA was a scaffold holding some amino acids to gehter so that they could form a weak link. its here today with rRNA. could make its own enzyme replicator perhaps.
Before living cells.... protobionts. they could isolate one environemtn from another surrounding one. Like liposomes. a moleular bilayer is formed at the end of a droplet.
THey grow, engulf give birth. . welll, protobionts dont' reproduce precisely.If enzymes are around they are incorporated into the droplets. and the protobionts can take in substrates. and give off product.
I mean protobionts oculd have incorporated catalylsts but no real developed enzymes please. even with good life, it needs replication method to keep going.
Natural Selection could refine those with hereditary info.
"molecular cooperation between protobiont and RNA.
ie RNA needs nice environ to make enzyme. and not have it snatched away by other RNA. and the protobiont could use the energy for its own purposes
offspring would have a mutation and so variation. (beginning of biotic diversity)
First organisms were chemoheterotrophic prokaryotes
chemoheterotrophs are those who ate for energy and carbon, they ate ATP.
First Crisis: the loss of abiotically formed ATP.
solved by glycolysis.
ten steps and ten enzymes.
with O2 pyruvate enters respiration.
but with out it you get pyruvate.
the net result is 2net ATP and 2NADH.
Second Crisis: loss of abiotically formed organic compounds in glycolysis.
those that could make their own organic compounds were favored.
Hence the autotrophs.
probalby used light to drive lectrons from H2S to fix CO2 into sugar. "photoautotrophs. "
no o2 production yet.
this is still 2.5 to 3.5 billion years ago. Sulfur is from the vents and volcanoes
then there was a switch someone decided to use H2O to fix Co2 into sugar, the cyanobacteria.... 2.5 billion years ago. THESE release 02 into the environment, had prokaryotes that acted like chloroplasts. THis 02 was toxic to most anaerobic organisms and killed many ofhtem off.
Third Crisis: accumulation of O2 in atmosphere.
selection favored those who tolerated andused it to their advantage... hence aerobic respiration. so there were prokaryotes that acted like mitochondria. so thi has been the reign of the great prokaryotes from 2-2.5 billion years ago.
great. so now i must fend off the angst that comes with having no date on valentines. should I dive into my MCAT and finish off the physics sections... sound like a deal...
Chips ahoy!
I just wrote this cool rap. now i just have to mix it. silly dell has no microphone software.
Afterwords
Woulda wondered the dimensions of my past life.
How many times have I gone through the same strife
‘nother kid , and ‘nother car on the freeway.
accident Heartattack or bad disease.
No stopping the one thing that keeps running on anyway.
Marley right, not a nuke but the sickled black clown of the cabaret..
Don’t tell me aint worth thinkin bout every now and then.
When the sky shakes on an airplane.and a man dies insane.
Wheres the love in the bleak dark in the quick change of scenery
When rats nibble on my crippled eye , it aint what I had in mind in the gallery
Fifty thousand years of discovery and still not a sound bout continuing.
It’s a matter of fact opposites attract. The born and the give back.belly up chest in.
So yo act like the big man on the thronery. Beer flows and gold shines like embezzelry
And your punch hits tremendously, precision swing and gallantry.
Your face rots off nyaheart bursts while sittin on a toiletseat.
Then the clowns makes parade of yo peasantry.
Wise don’t get that much time on the radio,
Wise to figure to be fearless. Its time to know.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
February 13, 2006
My mom didn't want to talk to me today. She had some stomach exam, and she was scared, and I didn't call her about it, and didnt' answer her call. I guess i am an asshole from all dimensiones now. Which means I have only blackbody radiation.
I realize that my house is not built on anything strong, probably on love.... and love fades.
but what doesn't fade?
maybe that question doesn't fade.
Met emily today. sweetheart. I'm shocked about berkeley. the people here have no sweetness about them compared to the SFSU undergrads. maybe it was just the English and physics kids.
and I was different... not nearly as social as I am over there. i don't know what's happened to me. but not a word to some of those assholishly repugnant guys. such beeffy egomen... sickens me as they brush back their flowing hair, and try to exude their eminent infallibility. what sickening disgust I have for two in particular, I just hope they can be happy living in that. I hope they figure out the truth about things. that they're big I'm slick a freaking weasel air is a freaking joke.
I'm not happy that my mom thinks I don't love her.and I don't know why the hell I can't call her. maybe its MY EGO that doesn't want to look like I did something wrong. Maybe It would be unnatural. Maybe I don't care for her? that's a horrific thought. its the same feeling i get when I don't want to call my brother, kind of an awkward fear that I am being judged and mildly disrespected for a mistake in my personality.
I realize that my house is not built on anything strong, probably on love.... and love fades.
but what doesn't fade?
maybe that question doesn't fade.
Met emily today. sweetheart. I'm shocked about berkeley. the people here have no sweetness about them compared to the SFSU undergrads. maybe it was just the English and physics kids.
and I was different... not nearly as social as I am over there. i don't know what's happened to me. but not a word to some of those assholishly repugnant guys. such beeffy egomen... sickens me as they brush back their flowing hair, and try to exude their eminent infallibility. what sickening disgust I have for two in particular, I just hope they can be happy living in that. I hope they figure out the truth about things. that they're big I'm slick a freaking weasel air is a freaking joke.
I'm not happy that my mom thinks I don't love her.and I don't know why the hell I can't call her. maybe its MY EGO that doesn't want to look like I did something wrong. Maybe It would be unnatural. Maybe I don't care for her? that's a horrific thought. its the same feeling i get when I don't want to call my brother, kind of an awkward fear that I am being judged and mildly disrespected for a mistake in my personality.
Monday, February 12, 2007
February 12, 2006
So it was bound to happen. Today, that is.
and today was not good. Isn't it fabulous? I mean read Friday, and I should have known that it would have happened.
Highlights
" I like your headband" amazing cafe cashier and "on foccacio" (yummy).
it rained all over me. Try to imagine with pants soaked in crummy damp wet wet water, stupid rain i felt like a retarted cowboy who'd lost all his cows... stupid girls and stupid smelly rain. I'm gonna go listen to some music... that is how perturbed I am.
"I like your headband... I mean it should be called a tiara in fact... its good. "
"oh thankyou."
"yes, well your very welcome... um. you know I have a headband. but where i come from they call it a crown."
The kingdom is lacking a..... housekeeper/babysitter/entertainer. and I think you can forward your resume to me after we have dinner at the I house ....dinner on Wednesday. You can then use my computer at my house. I love laptops. It will be lying on top of my bed. Don't pay attention to any pictures or videos that will be playing in the background. just forward the resume. okay. here is my secretary's card. she works for the UN in her free time, so I might have to pick up the phone for her.
Be punctual.
Its amazin what a few fresh jams can do for the downtrodden, sicklecelled sould of a mallaman.
I think Zepp's Kashmir was the greatest plug of the day.
or the Killers with that pub nostalgia rock dance hall melody. not the jesus song but the other new one.
let me tell you those two were like two delicious slices of the most heavenly pepperoni pizzas, which I will never eat again, since I have a fat pouch.
on facebook. I should put in activities. poking my fat pouch. Random thoughts; what if my brother gets married to her. Did mom see the booze bottles, what happened to mom and dad?, this goddamn cereal is full of carbs. stupid keeffe. erin has sucha sweet soft.... (sexy?) voice. I hate htat chicken looking girl in our freaking lab, smarty pants hen. and this feeling in my goddamn ball of balls. what is this? lactic acid. what the fuck, cortisol, there of all places.
dance diffuses, and here I thought it was an activator. this morning i was in pain and i thought of blue, but did it work? yes it did . how come i only think of blue when i have no choice.
do I dance for blue...I doubt it. Its a lonely day Julian West, but that's how you freaking wanted it. tommorow i have to go and tell robert I mailed his letter. Swept of their feet. that 's what they want. i scuttle and nibble and poke and jest, and they want a sweeper. I am sebastian the crab, not eric. apu, not al, but at least i'm not that freaking iago. what apiece of crap that one is.
and today was not good. Isn't it fabulous? I mean read Friday, and I should have known that it would have happened.
Highlights
" I like your headband" amazing cafe cashier and "on foccacio" (yummy).
it rained all over me. Try to imagine with pants soaked in crummy damp wet wet water, stupid rain i felt like a retarted cowboy who'd lost all his cows... stupid girls and stupid smelly rain. I'm gonna go listen to some music... that is how perturbed I am.
"I like your headband... I mean it should be called a tiara in fact... its good. "
"oh thankyou."
"yes, well your very welcome... um. you know I have a headband. but where i come from they call it a crown."
The kingdom is lacking a..... housekeeper/babysitter/entertainer. and I think you can forward your resume to me after we have dinner at the I house ....dinner on Wednesday. You can then use my computer at my house. I love laptops. It will be lying on top of my bed. Don't pay attention to any pictures or videos that will be playing in the background. just forward the resume. okay. here is my secretary's card. she works for the UN in her free time, so I might have to pick up the phone for her.
Be punctual.
Its amazin what a few fresh jams can do for the downtrodden, sicklecelled sould of a mallaman.
I think Zepp's Kashmir was the greatest plug of the day.
or the Killers with that pub nostalgia rock dance hall melody. not the jesus song but the other new one.
let me tell you those two were like two delicious slices of the most heavenly pepperoni pizzas, which I will never eat again, since I have a fat pouch.
on facebook. I should put in activities. poking my fat pouch. Random thoughts; what if my brother gets married to her. Did mom see the booze bottles, what happened to mom and dad?, this goddamn cereal is full of carbs. stupid keeffe. erin has sucha sweet soft.... (sexy?) voice. I hate htat chicken looking girl in our freaking lab, smarty pants hen. and this feeling in my goddamn ball of balls. what is this? lactic acid. what the fuck, cortisol, there of all places.
dance diffuses, and here I thought it was an activator. this morning i was in pain and i thought of blue, but did it work? yes it did . how come i only think of blue when i have no choice.
do I dance for blue...I doubt it. Its a lonely day Julian West, but that's how you freaking wanted it. tommorow i have to go and tell robert I mailed his letter. Swept of their feet. that 's what they want. i scuttle and nibble and poke and jest, and they want a sweeper. I am sebastian the crab, not eric. apu, not al, but at least i'm not that freaking iago. what apiece of crap that one is.
Friday, February 9, 2007
February 9, 2006
Scientific observation shows that indeed today was one of a mixed tenderness.
Who was meredith? Why did we laugh together hiding intimacy? moving in pendular motions but not ever touching? WHat was so funny about her grandma tortoise and how she wrote it on the concept map for biolab. and misspelling tortoise, and then me spelling it correctly as another bubble on the concept map. silly.
What tenderness when Christi's wouldn't even look in my direction?
Who was lisa, the nailbiting ,worried girl telling me that everything will be fine and I will pull through it and with a warm smile on top of that? and she was taking the same test as I was going to take.
What about my mother bragging to her friends that I'm so independent, and then worrying that she has been leaving me alone so much and then deciding to come up next weekend. And Erin, who always leaves before she gives her contact info and I felt sad because she wore makeup for me, and her lips were a beautiful pink. I think she had earrings on today, and I didn't even put two and two together. and she said "fuck" after our bitch of a midterm, she said it like an upset high-schooler. it was a like the sound an animal might make if you accidently step on one of its toe, but it was still kind. frustrated but tender. And my brother calls right after asks me some random question, but really probably just wants to talk. the guy never calls me. So, am I grateful for today? I think so, despite the disgusting rain, the red lights, and missed busses, the horrible midterm question that screwed us all, altogether a few of the heroes of my present sitcom pulled through to make me smile, sigh, and dizzy myself with the joy of recollecting. Usually, if times are good, they won't make it to the ramble, because I'm too busy being in those good times. I don't know what happened here.
Who was meredith? Why did we laugh together hiding intimacy? moving in pendular motions but not ever touching? WHat was so funny about her grandma tortoise and how she wrote it on the concept map for biolab. and misspelling tortoise, and then me spelling it correctly as another bubble on the concept map. silly.
What tenderness when Christi's wouldn't even look in my direction?
Who was lisa, the nailbiting ,worried girl telling me that everything will be fine and I will pull through it and with a warm smile on top of that? and she was taking the same test as I was going to take.
What about my mother bragging to her friends that I'm so independent, and then worrying that she has been leaving me alone so much and then deciding to come up next weekend. And Erin, who always leaves before she gives her contact info and I felt sad because she wore makeup for me, and her lips were a beautiful pink. I think she had earrings on today, and I didn't even put two and two together. and she said "fuck" after our bitch of a midterm, she said it like an upset high-schooler. it was a like the sound an animal might make if you accidently step on one of its toe, but it was still kind. frustrated but tender. And my brother calls right after asks me some random question, but really probably just wants to talk. the guy never calls me. So, am I grateful for today? I think so, despite the disgusting rain, the red lights, and missed busses, the horrible midterm question that screwed us all, altogether a few of the heroes of my present sitcom pulled through to make me smile, sigh, and dizzy myself with the joy of recollecting. Usually, if times are good, they won't make it to the ramble, because I'm too busy being in those good times. I don't know what happened here.
Thursday, February 8, 2007
February 8, 2006
Gone is the rancid dust that has floated in the wake of my existence, preying on my soul like a murder of beaked bats... today is a new day.
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
February 7, 2006
Hi. Yes, Here I am in the lab. in the SF VA medical center.
I made Christi laugh and smile and squirm with delight, but alas, I don't think she's attracted to me. she's a nice girl, she couldn't help telling us the church that she wanted to be married. you should have seen how she was glowing when she said it.. her dreams were in her bloodstream and she was blushing with the excitement of love and a great joyous wedding. I was shocked. She hadn't said much up till today, strange you could talk about so many things, but the thing that she really wanted to talk about was marriage and love and stuff like that. Weird how guys are so different. But she left so abruptly today that I feel that yes, indeed she is the "Laugh with em and leave em" type.
Sick. It was worth it though just to see her looking so happy and adoring of the humor. goodness. what a lucky guy, it will be, who can be with her.
she wasn't even wearing make up today, and still stunning.
anyway. maybe i'll grow on her. i doubt, it. I think she probably knows that i might like her. I can't talk to her without meeting her eyes. that's not a good sign ,if you just want to have a funny friend of the opposite sex.
Gosh, they got me doing all sorts of office work here... real crap stuff. I am here about to embark on this project to recruit people to have their brains scanned for 50 bucks a pop. I just finished writing up all the questions they migh ask me.. my favorite is this.
Q:I know you don't want pregnant people usually, but I want you to scan my fetus’s brain as well as mine, I think he/she can be a control since he/she doesn't kick that much and that's a good sign of his neuronal integrity. That way I can get 100 bucks right? oh come on, 75 then.
A:oh sure , yes you can jeopardize the life and brain development of your child and make a solid 50 bucks doing it. the kick test is an excellent tool . congratulations you have brilliant ideas.
too bad her baby was 20 lbs. and she was 281 so , it didn't really work, since the limit on the mri machine is three hundred pounds.
And sally lives a couple blocks from me... fabulous... she wants to study. i just hope it doesn't end up being a waste of time... or worse.
I was hoping to study with Erin, and I got snagged by Sally... what a piece of turd on a pile of hay that is somewhere burning out past Kansas.Not her that is, but the situation at hand.
I made it home in one piece. can you believe it is 6:43PM ... I left that sonofacrumb hospital at around 4:30... that's a 2hour:13 minute commute. what a freaking joke. next time I'm just taking a freaking movie with me. son of a coppola. I swear what a sad world i live in where it takes a man more than two hours to go from a place where he volunteers to his home, of course I stopped at Andronicos but still.I feel like its raining pidgeon poop and i don't have an umbrella.now I have to finish my pile-of-heavenly-turd lab. I pretty much have it all done. Let's see if my little Anuketchka sent me a reply email. no, of course not , but lynn sent me a blackberry message.
after my session with Christi today I did see that Persian girl at the eating lounge and she gave me a second look, but how could i be thrilled about that after Christi. nothing compares. I didn't know Sinead O' Connor was living in my mouth, sick.
BORING HWK (SKIP):
Well the first step now is to make sure those extra questions are in tip top shape.
so lets check the google mailbox. Oh, there it is .
great I found Christi on facebook she's a freaking party animal of sorts. lucky her. looks like she likes white guys, which is cool with me. I'll just go in the bathroom here with some sandpaper and some pidgeon poop and I'll be white as a whiteboard. Sweet. Sweet Sweet. what a heartbreaker. i feel like i just found a puddle of dog poop and it had my name on it.
well just finished watching that silly OC show i always watch, The groundhog's day episode was pretty good, everyone falling in love again kind of episode, and the good news is there's another episode called "case of the franks".
My upstairs neighbor has been stomping like a maniac, because she wants me to know how it feels when i stomp the savoy at the c-house. but. oh well, it is what i do. I will be back in 45 min.
okay so it took an hour . big whoop. nothing like a good c-house stampede to start the evening.
between the Max and KOIT and that new 99.7 and of course live 105 all the basic music groups are pretty well covered. okay now back to business. even with 25 to 6 to 4 jammin in my ear. I wonder what my spirit animal is... in the oc they discuss it, but it is definitely an issue to comprehend. the animal must be playful, yet hold some kind of dormant compendium of strength power. Perhaps a wolf? i can't pick a sissy animal for the love of god, I mean obviously ape comes to mind, but now is not the time for self depracation. But i think I want an animal that cherishes freedom, like a high flying eagle. As a kid it was always the dolphin, due to its fond smile, and intelligence, and its ability to overthrow sharks. these were all values that I cherished at the time. Goodness, Inteligence, and a power over the greatest forces of evil. , but now its not like that... the dolphin is a simple happy, but unrealistic ideal. Perhaps the wolf , running , and snatching his food, showing affection and defense to his tribe, marching in freezing snow, fending off in desperate snarls at Russians trying to take the Siberias, and always showing the hint, the slightest show of affection that eventually after many generations, that the Wolf may turn into its loyal brother the dog. Afterall they shared some common caninus ancestor. But I always thought the wolf was too savage too fierce, i never snarl with fierce anger, I never bear my teeth. no indeed i am not the wolf. The more I think of it , the more i think that indeed I am Man. Torn between his lofty ideals, and his baser instincts. With eyes turned to the sky, but with body entangled in the twisted vines, and roots of this beastly mother. Man with all his quiet thoughts, his large pools of anxiety, his ferocious hurt and emptiness. His lack of well being, the ease by which he loses himself. the keeness with which tools make themselves available to his mind. indeed the man is the most powerful thing on the planet because man made the nuke. it is creation that is man's specialty, man's power, my power. but what has caused the stifling. surely if man could be considered a spirit animal it must be free to be itself, man is not free to be itself, it cannot be a spirit animal. he's somehow chained in knowledge. this is absurd. no wonder I could never find a friggin animal. I have no idea where I am.
HWK SKIP
las cosas primeras, primeras.
Erden's questions
Cyanide at 10:46 PM
Oh what a fool I've been to take the poison. I could have worked around it. How. There is absolutely no saving grace here. I mean if saving grace was measured in humidity, this would be west-central sahara at around 11:59AM. Okay so I finished the damn questions, i wish my parents were here to see me. you think i'm being sarcastic... i;m not ... I really wish they were here to see me. Yesterday before I fell asleep I pretended that I was at home like I was in high school and that i was in my bedroom and I knew my brother was in the room adjacent to mine, and that my parents were right down the hall, and that the heater would take in air right outside my room occasionally, and Shadow would whimper every now and then right outside my window and the house was full an the family was full. Now everything is lost. Everything. Everyone is trying to pretend everything is okay. nothing is okay. look at me... is anything okay here? cyanide at 10:46! I have two words for this setting: Bleak House. There will be no rising like an empress above the serenghetti, there is no inspiration. I am eating the clay of drought, chewing its morass.
If large doses of women, and beauty and love were dosed out to me like poker cards, like fortuen cookies after every meal, like plastic forks to use and throw away, then I would never have invested effort into the endeavor. I would never have honed in on the skills that I now possess, never have directed my creativity to arts that are cruicial in the act of wooing, or winning over a girl with a smile. My creativity would have been channeled solely into the triumph, and not into the endeavor. Sure there is something to say about triumph, but it is the endeavor that creates the story the dynamic, the possability for change. How could any of this be written now, if I had Christi in my arms somewhere right this moment. In Subterraneanz, I think they're talking about a poet. Yeats, Stein, or probably Baudiliere. and the woman says , "I would have traded all those sad poems he wrote for the happy man". interesting. I don't know about this one. I really don't. Is she talking out of her ass? i dont know. Kerouac seemed to think it was noteworthy, but then again it was one of his earlier books. If christi were smiling and kissing me on the face,my monologue would be :" Sweet. Holy Hassle-free... Opera move over... Silly pains.... I think I am flying on a baby's blanket...happy permanent. "
it would be a crock of useless lingo... useless.
HWK
so now I should verify my conclusion .... against what he himself dictated in class. I think it will be fine. I am feeling a bit hungry for some gnutella bread and Soymilk.
okay the first thing he
cyanide at 12:13
I made Christi laugh and smile and squirm with delight, but alas, I don't think she's attracted to me. she's a nice girl, she couldn't help telling us the church that she wanted to be married. you should have seen how she was glowing when she said it.. her dreams were in her bloodstream and she was blushing with the excitement of love and a great joyous wedding. I was shocked. She hadn't said much up till today, strange you could talk about so many things, but the thing that she really wanted to talk about was marriage and love and stuff like that. Weird how guys are so different. But she left so abruptly today that I feel that yes, indeed she is the "Laugh with em and leave em" type.
Sick. It was worth it though just to see her looking so happy and adoring of the humor. goodness. what a lucky guy, it will be, who can be with her.
she wasn't even wearing make up today, and still stunning.
anyway. maybe i'll grow on her. i doubt, it. I think she probably knows that i might like her. I can't talk to her without meeting her eyes. that's not a good sign ,if you just want to have a funny friend of the opposite sex.
Gosh, they got me doing all sorts of office work here... real crap stuff. I am here about to embark on this project to recruit people to have their brains scanned for 50 bucks a pop. I just finished writing up all the questions they migh ask me.. my favorite is this.
Q:I know you don't want pregnant people usually, but I want you to scan my fetus’s brain as well as mine, I think he/she can be a control since he/she doesn't kick that much and that's a good sign of his neuronal integrity. That way I can get 100 bucks right? oh come on, 75 then.
A:oh sure , yes you can jeopardize the life and brain development of your child and make a solid 50 bucks doing it. the kick test is an excellent tool . congratulations you have brilliant ideas.
too bad her baby was 20 lbs. and she was 281 so , it didn't really work, since the limit on the mri machine is three hundred pounds.
And sally lives a couple blocks from me... fabulous... she wants to study. i just hope it doesn't end up being a waste of time... or worse.
I was hoping to study with Erin, and I got snagged by Sally... what a piece of turd on a pile of hay that is somewhere burning out past Kansas.Not her that is, but the situation at hand.
I made it home in one piece. can you believe it is 6:43PM ... I left that sonofacrumb hospital at around 4:30... that's a 2hour:13 minute commute. what a freaking joke. next time I'm just taking a freaking movie with me. son of a coppola. I swear what a sad world i live in where it takes a man more than two hours to go from a place where he volunteers to his home, of course I stopped at Andronicos but still.I feel like its raining pidgeon poop and i don't have an umbrella.now I have to finish my pile-of-heavenly-turd lab. I pretty much have it all done. Let's see if my little Anuketchka sent me a reply email. no, of course not , but lynn sent me a blackberry message.
after my session with Christi today I did see that Persian girl at the eating lounge and she gave me a second look, but how could i be thrilled about that after Christi. nothing compares. I didn't know Sinead O' Connor was living in my mouth, sick.
BORING HWK (SKIP):
Well the first step now is to make sure those extra questions are in tip top shape.
so lets check the google mailbox. Oh, there it is .
great I found Christi on facebook she's a freaking party animal of sorts. lucky her. looks like she likes white guys, which is cool with me. I'll just go in the bathroom here with some sandpaper and some pidgeon poop and I'll be white as a whiteboard. Sweet. Sweet Sweet. what a heartbreaker. i feel like i just found a puddle of dog poop and it had my name on it.
well just finished watching that silly OC show i always watch, The groundhog's day episode was pretty good, everyone falling in love again kind of episode, and the good news is there's another episode called "case of the franks".
My upstairs neighbor has been stomping like a maniac, because she wants me to know how it feels when i stomp the savoy at the c-house. but. oh well, it is what i do. I will be back in 45 min.
okay so it took an hour . big whoop. nothing like a good c-house stampede to start the evening.
between the Max and KOIT and that new 99.7 and of course live 105 all the basic music groups are pretty well covered. okay now back to business. even with 25 to 6 to 4 jammin in my ear. I wonder what my spirit animal is... in the oc they discuss it, but it is definitely an issue to comprehend. the animal must be playful, yet hold some kind of dormant compendium of strength power. Perhaps a wolf? i can't pick a sissy animal for the love of god, I mean obviously ape comes to mind, but now is not the time for self depracation. But i think I want an animal that cherishes freedom, like a high flying eagle. As a kid it was always the dolphin, due to its fond smile, and intelligence, and its ability to overthrow sharks. these were all values that I cherished at the time. Goodness, Inteligence, and a power over the greatest forces of evil. , but now its not like that... the dolphin is a simple happy, but unrealistic ideal. Perhaps the wolf , running , and snatching his food, showing affection and defense to his tribe, marching in freezing snow, fending off in desperate snarls at Russians trying to take the Siberias, and always showing the hint, the slightest show of affection that eventually after many generations, that the Wolf may turn into its loyal brother the dog. Afterall they shared some common caninus ancestor. But I always thought the wolf was too savage too fierce, i never snarl with fierce anger, I never bear my teeth. no indeed i am not the wolf. The more I think of it , the more i think that indeed I am Man. Torn between his lofty ideals, and his baser instincts. With eyes turned to the sky, but with body entangled in the twisted vines, and roots of this beastly mother. Man with all his quiet thoughts, his large pools of anxiety, his ferocious hurt and emptiness. His lack of well being, the ease by which he loses himself. the keeness with which tools make themselves available to his mind. indeed the man is the most powerful thing on the planet because man made the nuke. it is creation that is man's specialty, man's power, my power. but what has caused the stifling. surely if man could be considered a spirit animal it must be free to be itself, man is not free to be itself, it cannot be a spirit animal. he's somehow chained in knowledge. this is absurd. no wonder I could never find a friggin animal. I have no idea where I am.
HWK SKIP
las cosas primeras, primeras.
Erden's questions
Cyanide at 10:46 PM
Oh what a fool I've been to take the poison. I could have worked around it. How. There is absolutely no saving grace here. I mean if saving grace was measured in humidity, this would be west-central sahara at around 11:59AM. Okay so I finished the damn questions, i wish my parents were here to see me. you think i'm being sarcastic... i;m not ... I really wish they were here to see me. Yesterday before I fell asleep I pretended that I was at home like I was in high school and that i was in my bedroom and I knew my brother was in the room adjacent to mine, and that my parents were right down the hall, and that the heater would take in air right outside my room occasionally, and Shadow would whimper every now and then right outside my window and the house was full an the family was full. Now everything is lost. Everything. Everyone is trying to pretend everything is okay. nothing is okay. look at me... is anything okay here? cyanide at 10:46! I have two words for this setting: Bleak House. There will be no rising like an empress above the serenghetti, there is no inspiration. I am eating the clay of drought, chewing its morass.
If large doses of women, and beauty and love were dosed out to me like poker cards, like fortuen cookies after every meal, like plastic forks to use and throw away, then I would never have invested effort into the endeavor. I would never have honed in on the skills that I now possess, never have directed my creativity to arts that are cruicial in the act of wooing, or winning over a girl with a smile. My creativity would have been channeled solely into the triumph, and not into the endeavor. Sure there is something to say about triumph, but it is the endeavor that creates the story the dynamic, the possability for change. How could any of this be written now, if I had Christi in my arms somewhere right this moment. In Subterraneanz, I think they're talking about a poet. Yeats, Stein, or probably Baudiliere. and the woman says , "I would have traded all those sad poems he wrote for the happy man". interesting. I don't know about this one. I really don't. Is she talking out of her ass? i dont know. Kerouac seemed to think it was noteworthy, but then again it was one of his earlier books. If christi were smiling and kissing me on the face,my monologue would be :" Sweet. Holy Hassle-free... Opera move over... Silly pains.... I think I am flying on a baby's blanket...happy permanent. "
it would be a crock of useless lingo... useless.
HWK
so now I should verify my conclusion .... against what he himself dictated in class. I think it will be fine. I am feeling a bit hungry for some gnutella bread and Soymilk.
okay the first thing he
cyanide at 12:13
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
February 6, 2006
Hello.
Hi
yes. well today as you may have expected was better than any day of this previous weekend. Unfortunately Peekvid is down. I should have watched boys don't cry while i had the chance. THe lab went okay except for that the damn brominated ethyl benzene mixture wouldn't turn fully white like it was supposed. allways the lingering clumps of orange FARGE!.
and also my friend lynn has an attractive & kindness-exuding persian friend. and now lynn knows that I might like her, and now the persian girl will probably know.
okay, well here i am, oh and i met this jewish girl from the oren days and sari days, her name is Maytal but her you know I mistook her for Noga. and she said she got that a lot. poor girl. she was the quiet one of the two and she seemed very sweet. too bad i cut the conversation short like I usually do, because she looked like she was open to love, and she had the innocent eyes of a lover who hasn't closed herself in yet. that was amazing and i overlooked it, maybe cuz she wasn't as skinny as I would like, what an asshole I've become.
okay now I'm here I gtta put this damn vitasoy away. my heart has been PHYSICALLY hurting all day. i think i shouldn't have danced on the "Devil's Dance Floor" yesterday. It was probably that downbeat songf. Jamie sustained me throughout the day. I always had her and thought she might be right around the bend. I wonder how god is feeling about all this. and how god has planned this strange perversion of my dedication towards something great and big and wonderful.
I was thinking but love is not small, even if it is with just one person... it is a very large something. and even though its not written in history books, it commands the present like no other force. perhaps. ...
Now I will put the nutella back for jamie and the vitasoy and with the hopes that i will meet her and she will see my house tommorrow. Strange? no, practical, trust me. I will get the most work done this way with hope. yes it is not work for work's sake exactly , I don't exaclty love the work, but this just might help me get to that stage.
Can't seem to find my disappearing pantaloons. elusive pair of legs. oh wow I spent 10 minutes looking for the damn pantaloons/pajamas, and i was wearing the foolish things the whole time. Oh dear, i really will need god's help to be a doctor, because I am becoming dangerously stupid.
I watched one of the last episodes of the OC. There has only been one other one now before the season finale on the 27th and that is the Groundhog Day episode. Then I will be ready to watch on the twenty seventh, unless they come with a preseason finale one next week. How sad that i am only catching the tail end of this show and only now getting into it.
Now I should probably rock the C-House. Peace.
Here's a realization, you can not be the beer and surf people. because you never did it for its sake. you learnt surfing for Her sake, not as an end in itself. You did not do it for enjoyment. For god sake, You cannot relax, you cannot handle it or take it easy, you can't slide it in neutral and coast down the highway pretending everything is peachy. you are manic, and drastic and fiercely tearing up everything, including your own well-being. bullshit. that last bit was a little piece of bullshit from Sees. that's right the candy store.
I am going to write a valentine's day card for someone else, Robert to be exact, one of the patients at the Pulmonary Subacute Unit, he wants me to write it to the girl he would have married if he hadn't come down with MS. what a miserable story. gosh, and she's single too. "What a wonderful world" by Louis Armstrong.
Can you imagine Neil Armstrong jumping up and down in a zero-g garage somewhere in Nevada saying into a tape recorder "this is one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" its sad, but this story is sadder.
Dan's back, i should call him. Okay the most important thing right now is to download the practice tests from either ERES or keeffe's website. arright done deal. now for the print. I will work through every twisted nugget of a problem. I am looking at ana's email address. my little smiling anuki. she's playful and and innocent, that's her draw. she would hold my hand before we crossed a street and laugh at a silly joke and if I behaved a little funny. my little ana kornikovetchka.
it is 10:33 PM and i am in the grips of an arsenic binge. its because I'm getting all these wrong and I am in a bit of despair. like someone pouring a tea kettle of despair into my brain. and so I am turning to the old pseudoremedy. official at 10:36PM. oh well, la-ti-da. won't happen again. what a pile of horseshit i've landed in. I told Thomas at the PSu to think of a happy place. I was speaking in spanish so i couldn't be too descriptive, i told him to think of a place where the ocean was all around and was clear blue, and there were birds flying and singing to him. and things of that nature. and also a cabin where he had laid out some of hte most delicious foods. and had beautiful women serving him. There's something important that i'm missing about what I said. but it allways ends with "tranquilo" (relax) The poor guy is really restless. poor guy? strange that a poor guy like me, can call someone a poor guy.
no, chem is not for me as is seen by these stupid questions that he didn't even teach how to answer. what a great prof. deceptive old mr. Keeffe, holds a dagger under his his plaid shirt, he waits for me behind the podium. that sly old panther. The old Despot(despair) is holding a carnival in my head, so I better write up each problem. freacking first one looks like a godamn fish.
BORING OCHEM (SKIP):
3a, out of what I ask, holy humperdinkle, CH3-aryl-carbonyl-chloride and i want to make a aryl-carbonyl-aryl-chloride... obviously the ch3 is obliterated and the cl on the carbonyl (acyl?) is used to find another aryl. Now the answer says in a stupid yogi bear voice, "just a use benzene and AlCl3, bubu"... now I see that the AlCl3 will take a nice little bite out and take the carbon, leaving a strange benzylic carbocation. this will attract another aryl. I could have predicted all this. and the Cl comes back and restore areomaticity but how does the ch3 dissappear and how does the extra cl appear on the added benzene maybe the carbonyl acts like a metadirector as it should but the gosh darn cl is in the para position. this is all very puzzling.Moving on to number 2. looks like a fish with a big ballsack. same toluene -carbonyl -aryl need to get toluene -ch2-aryl. simply reduction. what can reduce better than H2 over palladium in ether. dang, you don't need to say ether. ... good I got that one right for a change. Lastly Toluene-ch2-aryl into o-bromotoluene-ch2-aryl.... The ch2 is a op director, but the Br is in the Meta position. but you know maybe the Ch3 is stronger than the ch2-aryl combo and so it will be ortho to Ch3, in which case all that is needed is Brominator, not a radical one, Br2 over FeBr3 will do. new problem , new hoops to jump through. Great Keeffe is reaction heavy
i just had a refried bean, pb,season salt medley on oroweat all microwaved, actually pretty good.
okay great keeffe is reaciton heavy... just what i wanted to find out.
tertbutylbenzene+1-chloro-2-methylpropane with AlCl3--->p-ditertbutylbenzene... to make that propane a tert butyl should be simple. The AlCl3 will rip off the Chloro, then there is a rearrangement ...a hydride shif that will make a t like carbocation. this will add like a tert butyl in the para position because the preexisiting tert butyl is an op director. but Keffe wants this will all the dots in all their glory. I'll do it on paper. I mean even the alcl4 creation. NOte: Alcl4 has an overall negative charge. Note2: the hydride shift actually has a transfer of two electrons that goes along with it. (hence the name hydride as opposed to hydrogen or proton). Note3: remember after the addititon, to restore aromaticity the Cl does NOT attack the carbocation but the hydrogen adjacent often where the branch has landed. Note4: since HCl is created note it.
I would not have known that ALL THIS was necessary for this silly problem, let's look at what it asks. write a "stepwise mechanism"... "use curved arrows to track electron pair movement"... " show all bonding changes"... "show all important valence electrons as dots. Note5: what was included as "important electrons were the ones around the Cl-... those were the only ones.
Next portion. How many signals in H NMR spectrum ... relative areas... okay, so bi tert butyl has a LOT of symetry. the 9H's on the right are the same as the 9 on the left, and the 4 from the ring are all identical. so there are 2 types of hydrogen (2 signals)and the area ratio is 4 to 18... or 9 to 2.
Last Portion. How many signals in C NMR...
well there are the methyls (3 on each side) =6
then there are the central carbons =2
then the branch holders =2
then the rest of the ring carbons=4
so a total of 4 different signals. in a ration of 1:1:2:3....actually I don't think the area ratio works for Carbons.
The next one looks rather short and sweet. : 3 dimethylcyclohexanes are present. cis 1,2... cis 1,3 .... cis 1,4... and some data is present. Set 1 has only three values and they all seem to be pretty big shifts, which means the least shielding, the biggest electronegative drawers. will the fac that there is only three makes me feel as if there are only 3 types of hydrogen. well the 1,4 one has ... oh this is C NMR. yes definitely the 2 methyl, the 2 branches and the 4 carbon so a total of three types. 1,3 has
methyls (which don't interact with each other becuse they are separated by a bond), the branch C, the in between C, and the outer by 1 C, and the far point C... so 5 which corresponds to set C.
the 1,2, has
a methyl , the branch, the medium distance, and farthest distance.... hwich is a total of 4, corresponding to set 2
Here is the last problem of the practice test
but ofcourse cyanide at 11:59PM... sweet.
I gotto go to sleep though because tommorrow is early 5:30, and the cyanide and arsenic always take a lot out of me.
okay. gnight dear blog.
Hi
yes. well today as you may have expected was better than any day of this previous weekend. Unfortunately Peekvid is down. I should have watched boys don't cry while i had the chance. THe lab went okay except for that the damn brominated ethyl benzene mixture wouldn't turn fully white like it was supposed. allways the lingering clumps of orange FARGE!.
and also my friend lynn has an attractive & kindness-exuding persian friend. and now lynn knows that I might like her, and now the persian girl will probably know.
okay, well here i am, oh and i met this jewish girl from the oren days and sari days, her name is Maytal but her you know I mistook her for Noga. and she said she got that a lot. poor girl. she was the quiet one of the two and she seemed very sweet. too bad i cut the conversation short like I usually do, because she looked like she was open to love, and she had the innocent eyes of a lover who hasn't closed herself in yet. that was amazing and i overlooked it, maybe cuz she wasn't as skinny as I would like, what an asshole I've become.
okay now I'm here I gtta put this damn vitasoy away. my heart has been PHYSICALLY hurting all day. i think i shouldn't have danced on the "Devil's Dance Floor" yesterday. It was probably that downbeat songf. Jamie sustained me throughout the day. I always had her and thought she might be right around the bend. I wonder how god is feeling about all this. and how god has planned this strange perversion of my dedication towards something great and big and wonderful.
I was thinking but love is not small, even if it is with just one person... it is a very large something. and even though its not written in history books, it commands the present like no other force. perhaps. ...
Now I will put the nutella back for jamie and the vitasoy and with the hopes that i will meet her and she will see my house tommorrow. Strange? no, practical, trust me. I will get the most work done this way with hope. yes it is not work for work's sake exactly , I don't exaclty love the work, but this just might help me get to that stage.
Can't seem to find my disappearing pantaloons. elusive pair of legs. oh wow I spent 10 minutes looking for the damn pantaloons/pajamas, and i was wearing the foolish things the whole time. Oh dear, i really will need god's help to be a doctor, because I am becoming dangerously stupid.
I watched one of the last episodes of the OC. There has only been one other one now before the season finale on the 27th and that is the Groundhog Day episode. Then I will be ready to watch on the twenty seventh, unless they come with a preseason finale one next week. How sad that i am only catching the tail end of this show and only now getting into it.
Now I should probably rock the C-House. Peace.
Here's a realization, you can not be the beer and surf people. because you never did it for its sake. you learnt surfing for Her sake, not as an end in itself. You did not do it for enjoyment. For god sake, You cannot relax, you cannot handle it or take it easy, you can't slide it in neutral and coast down the highway pretending everything is peachy. you are manic, and drastic and fiercely tearing up everything, including your own well-being. bullshit. that last bit was a little piece of bullshit from Sees. that's right the candy store.
I am going to write a valentine's day card for someone else, Robert to be exact, one of the patients at the Pulmonary Subacute Unit, he wants me to write it to the girl he would have married if he hadn't come down with MS. what a miserable story. gosh, and she's single too. "What a wonderful world" by Louis Armstrong.
Can you imagine Neil Armstrong jumping up and down in a zero-g garage somewhere in Nevada saying into a tape recorder "this is one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" its sad, but this story is sadder.
Dan's back, i should call him. Okay the most important thing right now is to download the practice tests from either ERES or keeffe's website. arright done deal. now for the print. I will work through every twisted nugget of a problem. I am looking at ana's email address. my little smiling anuki. she's playful and and innocent, that's her draw. she would hold my hand before we crossed a street and laugh at a silly joke and if I behaved a little funny. my little ana kornikovetchka.
it is 10:33 PM and i am in the grips of an arsenic binge. its because I'm getting all these wrong and I am in a bit of despair. like someone pouring a tea kettle of despair into my brain. and so I am turning to the old pseudoremedy. official at 10:36PM. oh well, la-ti-da. won't happen again. what a pile of horseshit i've landed in. I told Thomas at the PSu to think of a happy place. I was speaking in spanish so i couldn't be too descriptive, i told him to think of a place where the ocean was all around and was clear blue, and there were birds flying and singing to him. and things of that nature. and also a cabin where he had laid out some of hte most delicious foods. and had beautiful women serving him. There's something important that i'm missing about what I said. but it allways ends with "tranquilo" (relax) The poor guy is really restless. poor guy? strange that a poor guy like me, can call someone a poor guy.
no, chem is not for me as is seen by these stupid questions that he didn't even teach how to answer. what a great prof. deceptive old mr. Keeffe, holds a dagger under his his plaid shirt, he waits for me behind the podium. that sly old panther. The old Despot(despair) is holding a carnival in my head, so I better write up each problem. freacking first one looks like a godamn fish.
BORING OCHEM (SKIP):
3a, out of what I ask, holy humperdinkle, CH3-aryl-carbonyl-chloride and i want to make a aryl-carbonyl-aryl-chloride... obviously the ch3 is obliterated and the cl on the carbonyl (acyl?) is used to find another aryl. Now the answer says in a stupid yogi bear voice, "just a use benzene and AlCl3, bubu"... now I see that the AlCl3 will take a nice little bite out and take the carbon, leaving a strange benzylic carbocation. this will attract another aryl. I could have predicted all this. and the Cl comes back and restore areomaticity but how does the ch3 dissappear and how does the extra cl appear on the added benzene maybe the carbonyl acts like a metadirector as it should but the gosh darn cl is in the para position. this is all very puzzling.Moving on to number 2. looks like a fish with a big ballsack. same toluene -carbonyl -aryl need to get toluene -ch2-aryl. simply reduction. what can reduce better than H2 over palladium in ether. dang, you don't need to say ether. ... good I got that one right for a change. Lastly Toluene-ch2-aryl into o-bromotoluene-ch2-aryl.... The ch2 is a op director, but the Br is in the Meta position. but you know maybe the Ch3 is stronger than the ch2-aryl combo and so it will be ortho to Ch3, in which case all that is needed is Brominator, not a radical one, Br2 over FeBr3 will do. new problem , new hoops to jump through. Great Keeffe is reaction heavy
i just had a refried bean, pb,season salt medley on oroweat all microwaved, actually pretty good.
okay great keeffe is reaciton heavy... just what i wanted to find out.
tertbutylbenzene+1-chloro-2-methylpropane with AlCl3--->p-ditertbutylbenzene... to make that propane a tert butyl should be simple. The AlCl3 will rip off the Chloro, then there is a rearrangement ...a hydride shif that will make a t like carbocation. this will add like a tert butyl in the para position because the preexisiting tert butyl is an op director. but Keffe wants this will all the dots in all their glory. I'll do it on paper. I mean even the alcl4 creation. NOte: Alcl4 has an overall negative charge. Note2: the hydride shift actually has a transfer of two electrons that goes along with it. (hence the name hydride as opposed to hydrogen or proton). Note3: remember after the addititon, to restore aromaticity the Cl does NOT attack the carbocation but the hydrogen adjacent often where the branch has landed. Note4: since HCl is created note it.
I would not have known that ALL THIS was necessary for this silly problem, let's look at what it asks. write a "stepwise mechanism"... "use curved arrows to track electron pair movement"... " show all bonding changes"... "show all important valence electrons as dots. Note5: what was included as "important electrons were the ones around the Cl-... those were the only ones.
Next portion. How many signals in H NMR spectrum ... relative areas... okay, so bi tert butyl has a LOT of symetry. the 9H's on the right are the same as the 9 on the left, and the 4 from the ring are all identical. so there are 2 types of hydrogen (2 signals)and the area ratio is 4 to 18... or 9 to 2.
Last Portion. How many signals in C NMR...
well there are the methyls (3 on each side) =6
then there are the central carbons =2
then the branch holders =2
then the rest of the ring carbons=4
so a total of 4 different signals. in a ration of 1:1:2:3....actually I don't think the area ratio works for Carbons.
The next one looks rather short and sweet. : 3 dimethylcyclohexanes are present. cis 1,2... cis 1,3 .... cis 1,4... and some data is present. Set 1 has only three values and they all seem to be pretty big shifts, which means the least shielding, the biggest electronegative drawers. will the fac that there is only three makes me feel as if there are only 3 types of hydrogen. well the 1,4 one has ... oh this is C NMR. yes definitely the 2 methyl, the 2 branches and the 4 carbon so a total of three types. 1,3 has
methyls (which don't interact with each other becuse they are separated by a bond), the branch C, the in between C, and the outer by 1 C, and the far point C... so 5 which corresponds to set C.
the 1,2, has
a methyl , the branch, the medium distance, and farthest distance.... hwich is a total of 4, corresponding to set 2
Here is the last problem of the practice test
but ofcourse cyanide at 11:59PM... sweet.
I gotto go to sleep though because tommorrow is early 5:30, and the cyanide and arsenic always take a lot out of me.
okay. gnight dear blog.
Monday, February 5, 2007
February 5, 2006
Jamie I just don’t’ think this is going anywhere would you please help me with this.
Okay, let’s see what I hav to do, its pretty simple… aokay the list doesn’t run that long. Okay, so lets finish the Erden Project.. you have most of the calculations already in paper. You just need to look up the molecular weights and make sure Carbon is 12.01. and Hydrogen is 1.01. okay, look it up.
Another very important thing for tomorrow is to prepare for the NMR lab.
Finally to prepare for the midterm on Friday;. These are all very valuable. The poison I hear calling you. Its sickening . but you won’t go you stubborn prick. I like your stubbornness, you mule headed son of a bitch. All the Molecular weights are correct so all that is left is simply to write out the calculations. I feel bad that I had to lie about the amount of limiting reagent that I had to use.
Okay so I w I emailed lynn asking her how she changed the volume measurements around. To moles, apparently its written right in the book. Which is kind off odd. I think I’ll finish my lab notebook with this information.
Now for the bleeding procedure which I really can’t stand. Bollocks to that smelly procedure. Really bollocks to it. I want to lay a smelly paperweight on the procedure section. Stupid lake house premise… so stupid. A mailbox into the future. a dalorean was a joke this one takes itself seriously and it’s a freaking mailbox which isn’t even half as cool as a dolorean.
But its romantic.
What’s romantic. I want to be able to relate to a romance not freaking have to transport myself to an alternate universe before I can start enjoying a movie. Pa-lease. Speaking of Bollocks, Sandra Bullocks and Keauno reaves like a post speed love story is a good idea. action into romance sequence. very nice. worked in Titanic, but could have been even more startling in that lake house movie.
Okay one step at a time what’s next you got the lab pretty mch together. You need to write some concluding remarks. It asks for a GC readout. Just draw it in. just locate the GC paper first… over there in your folder. Now, get a pencil or pen and draw in the peaks.
Once you’ve drawn them in label them and write their respective areas right next to them.
As a conclusion say that you got substantial yield and that the peaks came out in the expected sequence, and there were no surprises and all the peaks that were supposed to be there were there.
Yeah now I’m gonna do my hour of dance… see how that works out after htat I’m gonna try for reading the NMR lab. And writing out the equations and procedure … should be pretty straight forward.
so I did a blog switch. i feel funny about posting this, i usually post this on a file on my desktop but i suppose its better here? ... why because its backed up and will never disssappear. it will be hard to download all this text. . I hope that this is a good idea. maybe for people who care enought to read this crap. Okay i'm gonna go and do my pathetic dance work out and put Honey Daniels to shame. (from the movie Honey)
okay some downbeat jam from snatch or lockstock really shook the sweat out of me. smash irish swing called the "devil's dance floor" really rocked the cedar house. because of its neverending crushing irish stomp beat and sexy swing.
I got a plate here staring me in the face and some NMR to look over. okay here we go.
summary: we're adding NBS to ethyl benzene. it'll add a Br to the joint carbon(was 2order) then we add more NBS and that will add another Br to the same joint C. poor C will have no H's
Mono and di brominated products are expected. cyclododecane will be added to the mixture as a standard.
Really, that's crazy, that's a damn big ring.
you said it, Vimh.Now I gotta write the basic equations in this lab notebook , god damn how formulaic. Hamody said what he liked about my track in life was that it was formulaic. I guess there are plusses and minuses to even that, as all things.
great two minutes into it and i already gave into the poison. at 9:42 PM.
Okay good, so all done with it for now,. I 've taken the arsenic and its that time that my body is asking for the cyanide, its too bad. i think I'll probably give in. I thought writing this would help me.
so i started these dialogs. their just bad high school drama dialogs. written by short inexperienced high school drama scriptwriters but they give me ease, so why not?
QChristi, were you born with that beauty mark?--it looks very prophetic.
ZYeah, I had it ever since I can remember.
QYou know I've had many pimples in my day, as you can tel lby the scarring on my face, and I would trade them all, including the ones to come, for one beuty mark even half as perfect as yours. the position is cindycrawfordesque.
ZYeah I like it. my mama said It would make me a supermodel. but i was more into sports than cheer or anything like that.
Q I hear you. Its a unfullfilling life they have those poor, undernourished saps. I would buy them all a snicker bar and twinkie if i could. I saw this special once on the real world about this one male model for abercrombie, he looked like a baby moose, but anyhow, he was what they wanted. no bitterness here. He was the laziest most listless waste of walking man, I ever saw.
oh. jee. its a good thing you don't counsel these people.
Its a darn good thing, I would make them cry and and then make them work, which they would cry about even more, because they probably never lifted a finger to do some god honest work in all their lives. just kidding of course. in case one of your relatives is also a supermodel.
When I'm writing this the arsenic and the cyanide both become distant ....calling from a faraway medicine cabinet. but as soon as I stop, there they are, a fresh prescription... waiting for me... beckoning to me. What's next? oh the lab report. that's due on thursday.... are you going to do it?
what's left"
1well its plain
Great another dose of arsenic at 10:23 PM.
at least it wasn't cyanide.
I have the calculations. they fill the page. and they answer all the quesitons i need to order them from 1 to 5, and then just write the calculations down in an orderly fashion finding symbols for what the numbers mean. the first
oh but i should verify that there was 0.04 mol of Bromopropane used
Well its cyanide at 10:59PM, despite the MCAT. what a bitch.
I would do anything but that shit work. god I hat having to write shit down in pencil when, i'm not sure if it should be in pen or pencil, if only I had an erasable ink pen. it is the most underrated invention. probably because they don't write as well as regular pens,
I'm not even studying an hour anymore for the MCAt what the hell? lets finsih this damn thing shall we? holy crap.
step 1 find a fucking pencil.
Step 2... write down the numbers
okay did it... it was relatively painless. now what?
you wanna take a stab at some mcat? or more cyanide?
how bout "Boys don't cry" sounds like an inspirational piece. might overpower the cyanide.
Okay, let’s see what I hav to do, its pretty simple… aokay the list doesn’t run that long. Okay, so lets finish the Erden Project.. you have most of the calculations already in paper. You just need to look up the molecular weights and make sure Carbon is 12.01. and Hydrogen is 1.01. okay, look it up.
Another very important thing for tomorrow is to prepare for the NMR lab.
Finally to prepare for the midterm on Friday;. These are all very valuable. The poison I hear calling you. Its sickening . but you won’t go you stubborn prick. I like your stubbornness, you mule headed son of a bitch. All the Molecular weights are correct so all that is left is simply to write out the calculations. I feel bad that I had to lie about the amount of limiting reagent that I had to use.
Okay so I w I emailed lynn asking her how she changed the volume measurements around. To moles, apparently its written right in the book. Which is kind off odd. I think I’ll finish my lab notebook with this information.
Now for the bleeding procedure which I really can’t stand. Bollocks to that smelly procedure. Really bollocks to it. I want to lay a smelly paperweight on the procedure section. Stupid lake house premise… so stupid. A mailbox into the future. a dalorean was a joke this one takes itself seriously and it’s a freaking mailbox which isn’t even half as cool as a dolorean.
But its romantic.
What’s romantic. I want to be able to relate to a romance not freaking have to transport myself to an alternate universe before I can start enjoying a movie. Pa-lease. Speaking of Bollocks, Sandra Bullocks and Keauno reaves like a post speed love story is a good idea. action into romance sequence. very nice. worked in Titanic, but could have been even more startling in that lake house movie.
Okay one step at a time what’s next you got the lab pretty mch together. You need to write some concluding remarks. It asks for a GC readout. Just draw it in. just locate the GC paper first… over there in your folder. Now, get a pencil or pen and draw in the peaks.
Once you’ve drawn them in label them and write their respective areas right next to them.
As a conclusion say that you got substantial yield and that the peaks came out in the expected sequence, and there were no surprises and all the peaks that were supposed to be there were there.
Yeah now I’m gonna do my hour of dance… see how that works out after htat I’m gonna try for reading the NMR lab. And writing out the equations and procedure … should be pretty straight forward.
so I did a blog switch. i feel funny about posting this, i usually post this on a file on my desktop but i suppose its better here? ... why because its backed up and will never disssappear. it will be hard to download all this text. . I hope that this is a good idea. maybe for people who care enought to read this crap. Okay i'm gonna go and do my pathetic dance work out and put Honey Daniels to shame. (from the movie Honey)
okay some downbeat jam from snatch or lockstock really shook the sweat out of me. smash irish swing called the "devil's dance floor" really rocked the cedar house. because of its neverending crushing irish stomp beat and sexy swing.
I got a plate here staring me in the face and some NMR to look over. okay here we go.
summary: we're adding NBS to ethyl benzene. it'll add a Br to the joint carbon(was 2order) then we add more NBS and that will add another Br to the same joint C. poor C will have no H's
Mono and di brominated products are expected. cyclododecane will be added to the mixture as a standard.
Really, that's crazy, that's a damn big ring.
you said it, Vimh.Now I gotta write the basic equations in this lab notebook , god damn how formulaic. Hamody said what he liked about my track in life was that it was formulaic. I guess there are plusses and minuses to even that, as all things.
great two minutes into it and i already gave into the poison. at 9:42 PM.
Okay good, so all done with it for now,. I 've taken the arsenic and its that time that my body is asking for the cyanide, its too bad. i think I'll probably give in. I thought writing this would help me.
so i started these dialogs. their just bad high school drama dialogs. written by short inexperienced high school drama scriptwriters but they give me ease, so why not?
QChristi, were you born with that beauty mark?--it looks very prophetic.
ZYeah, I had it ever since I can remember.
QYou know I've had many pimples in my day, as you can tel lby the scarring on my face, and I would trade them all, including the ones to come, for one beuty mark even half as perfect as yours. the position is cindycrawfordesque.
ZYeah I like it. my mama said It would make me a supermodel. but i was more into sports than cheer or anything like that.
Q I hear you. Its a unfullfilling life they have those poor, undernourished saps. I would buy them all a snicker bar and twinkie if i could. I saw this special once on the real world about this one male model for abercrombie, he looked like a baby moose, but anyhow, he was what they wanted. no bitterness here. He was the laziest most listless waste of walking man, I ever saw.
oh. jee. its a good thing you don't counsel these people.
Its a darn good thing, I would make them cry and and then make them work, which they would cry about even more, because they probably never lifted a finger to do some god honest work in all their lives. just kidding of course. in case one of your relatives is also a supermodel.
When I'm writing this the arsenic and the cyanide both become distant ....calling from a faraway medicine cabinet. but as soon as I stop, there they are, a fresh prescription... waiting for me... beckoning to me. What's next? oh the lab report. that's due on thursday.... are you going to do it?
what's left"
1well its plain
Great another dose of arsenic at 10:23 PM.
at least it wasn't cyanide.
I have the calculations. they fill the page. and they answer all the quesitons i need to order them from 1 to 5, and then just write the calculations down in an orderly fashion finding symbols for what the numbers mean. the first
oh but i should verify that there was 0.04 mol of Bromopropane used
Well its cyanide at 10:59PM, despite the MCAT. what a bitch.
I would do anything but that shit work. god I hat having to write shit down in pencil when, i'm not sure if it should be in pen or pencil, if only I had an erasable ink pen. it is the most underrated invention. probably because they don't write as well as regular pens,
I'm not even studying an hour anymore for the MCAt what the hell? lets finsih this damn thing shall we? holy crap.
step 1 find a fucking pencil.
Step 2... write down the numbers
okay did it... it was relatively painless. now what?
you wanna take a stab at some mcat? or more cyanide?
how bout "Boys don't cry" sounds like an inspirational piece. might overpower the cyanide.
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