March 9, 2007

The motivation for coordinating large movements of concerted activism and change.... this motivation has dwindled since I was in the 9th grade. It was in the ninth that the scope of history gave depth to the key individuals, the members who shaped history and who were remembered over vast expanses of time. THe philosopher's whose ideas thrived still... ..through the framework of a constitution they could scarce have imaginied and I am talking about Locke. Who gave to the people the trust and hope that they could uphold their own rights and responsabilities and I am talking about Rousseau.

Now the motivations have been realigned. What was a glorifcation of the human ego has been ceded to a more loadbearing ego, one dedicated in glorifying itself only in service. Every second is weighed against the need to fulfill only that duty. And I think about the movement. the Enlightenment. I think about the physicians who treated the fallen peasants, the fallen aristocracy in 1789, and did it matter who wrote what and who believed what and what class one came from, a man here was dead. another was dying. and if they had reattached Charles's head, Louis's head, if the red coats had all been resuscitated. well then what good are physicians to the progress of history. They play no positive part. For thousands of years blood was let, toxic herbs were administered... the physicain if anything will be remembered as history's fool , amde to act only with the tools that modern science has approved him/her to use and administer.

It is so important. so important to beleive in where yu aore and where you are going. in the ninth grade it was there, now somehow its not there. its like the tennis court oath, the beer hall push, and all the town hall meetings didn't mean a thing. And if we could have extracted the bullet lodged in Hamilton's body? A genius-president as him may have altered the course of the nation.

This is my weekend. and it is miserable. why because I have trouble in believing that I will make any lasting impression, will have any effect even close to those men i learned to admire in the 9th grade. I fear that in my mad dash to make the most out of this short lease, I will come up short with a face full of dust. Rage, Rage against the dying of the light, i used to say.
I have to ask now a days. Rage? Rage for what? love? Rage for Compassion? Rage for Rage's sake? Rage for the glory of one man's fight for survival.
no, not really. survive for what? so one can go to florida and breath in the great air and see the palm tree swaying and say this is america, this is my home?
But rage is better than fear, and it is for this fact that i say Thomas is a more fortunate man than I.

March 2, 2007

I think it's important to note that as a child philosopher, i had a great deal of independence to let my mind wander suspiciously over the profound implications of everything I sensed in my phenomenal universe.
I wonder what happened.
SO they destroyed one my favorite radio stations. KMAX has now gone country. THey used to play all things. rock, funk, rare 70's love songs. (ie "one night in bankok makes a grown man humble") i mean who plays that bangkok song, and its damn awesome. and who plays 70's pop rock now? the bone? there is no oldies station!
there is no 60's and 70's rock station! what the hell is wrong with this place! I mean doesn't anyone want to listen to the Beach Boys? the Who? Boston?
oh well.

I have a lot to do... even on this friday night. My teacher expects a lot from me. I realize that now... I just thought he was being an asshole.