March 9, 2007

The motivation for coordinating large movements of concerted activism and change.... this motivation has dwindled since I was in the 9th grade. It was in the ninth that the scope of history gave depth to the key individuals, the members who shaped history and who were remembered over vast expanses of time. THe philosopher's whose ideas thrived still... ..through the framework of a constitution they could scarce have imaginied and I am talking about Locke. Who gave to the people the trust and hope that they could uphold their own rights and responsabilities and I am talking about Rousseau.

Now the motivations have been realigned. What was a glorifcation of the human ego has been ceded to a more loadbearing ego, one dedicated in glorifying itself only in service. Every second is weighed against the need to fulfill only that duty. And I think about the movement. the Enlightenment. I think about the physicians who treated the fallen peasants, the fallen aristocracy in 1789, and did it matter who wrote what and who believed what and what class one came from, a man here was dead. another was dying. and if they had reattached Charles's head, Louis's head, if the red coats had all been resuscitated. well then what good are physicians to the progress of history. They play no positive part. For thousands of years blood was let, toxic herbs were administered... the physicain if anything will be remembered as history's fool , amde to act only with the tools that modern science has approved him/her to use and administer.

It is so important. so important to beleive in where yu aore and where you are going. in the ninth grade it was there, now somehow its not there. its like the tennis court oath, the beer hall push, and all the town hall meetings didn't mean a thing. And if we could have extracted the bullet lodged in Hamilton's body? A genius-president as him may have altered the course of the nation.

This is my weekend. and it is miserable. why because I have trouble in believing that I will make any lasting impression, will have any effect even close to those men i learned to admire in the 9th grade. I fear that in my mad dash to make the most out of this short lease, I will come up short with a face full of dust. Rage, Rage against the dying of the light, i used to say.
I have to ask now a days. Rage? Rage for what? love? Rage for Compassion? Rage for Rage's sake? Rage for the glory of one man's fight for survival.
no, not really. survive for what? so one can go to florida and breath in the great air and see the palm tree swaying and say this is america, this is my home?
But rage is better than fear, and it is for this fact that i say Thomas is a more fortunate man than I.

March 2, 2007

I think it's important to note that as a child philosopher, i had a great deal of independence to let my mind wander suspiciously over the profound implications of everything I sensed in my phenomenal universe.
I wonder what happened.
SO they destroyed one my favorite radio stations. KMAX has now gone country. THey used to play all things. rock, funk, rare 70's love songs. (ie "one night in bankok makes a grown man humble") i mean who plays that bangkok song, and its damn awesome. and who plays 70's pop rock now? the bone? there is no oldies station!
there is no 60's and 70's rock station! what the hell is wrong with this place! I mean doesn't anyone want to listen to the Beach Boys? the Who? Boston?
oh well.

I have a lot to do... even on this friday night. My teacher expects a lot from me. I realize that now... I just thought he was being an asshole.

February 23, 2007

Good morning, we'll try one last taaaaaime.
most people wouldn't think 11: 47 PM a " morning" but
I've pulled an average of 3 and half hours of sleep for the last 3 days. just because i have had to do overtime for these damn tests coming next week and these stupid labs that are due. not to mention a MCAT practice on the 17th of march and UCSF workshop.
I fell asleep at 7:00PM and now have just got up. Mybody made sure that my brain ran a very interesting dream, where there was a big mystery about the whole thing, and that it was just about to be discovered,... what happens is a large asian man like Nolan Kim jumps off a cliff to impress people and he just floats on the water, and, I'm floating down to see what happened.
Nothing with Chr. today... it felt horr.
A thousand years from now, if I'm born on this planet.... I will ride dolphins to a place called Makinli, one of the last surviving islands. There would have been rumors that it was once a mountain.

HWK.
Diels alder...
the days of diels alder are here, and they are not going anywhere.
so we add to cyclodienes and one acts like a dienophile and the other acts like a diene
and somehow they end up sticking together. Well not just somehow. I mean lets look it up. I'm sure there isi a plus charge that develops in one place and it is similar to friedel crafts.

The damn thing needs to be cracked. because the damn thing is a mess. I bleeding mess. i mean at room temperature can you beleive the thing form into a dimer with the cyclopentene at the endo end of it. so with a little heat. it can be made into two cyclodienes. Well it will take more than a little heat.

Once it was cracked.
I don't belong in medschool.
so once it was cracked, my lab notebook is a mess. its 1:20AM, i'm trying to start, i found out i ddidn't even record the yield, i remember throwing the shit down the drain though. like a goddamn mess. what's the big idea

February 17, 2006

Young MC says girls might be like this:

In the city ladies look pretty
Guys tell jokes so they can seem witty
Tell a funny joke just to get some play
Then you try to make a move and she says "no way"
Girls a fakin' ... goodness sakin'
They want a man who brings home the bacon
Got no money and you got no car
Then you got no woman and there you are

I won't beleive it.

In Mariah Carey's Alway be my baby. I was hearing "Shawn Kenner and the feeling's strong"
I was like who the freak is Shawn Kenner
the real lyrics were "Time can't er-ase a feeling strong"
I didn't expect the shakespearean Post-noun adjective.

February 16, 2006

West. tsk tsk tsk. you crazy west. Its a good thing you weren't North, because you have no direction, and every sailor would have died at sea.

Christi... I tried to convince me that she just wants to be a friend, but she is arresting in her looks, and when she's there with a PLAYFUL smile waiting for me to make her chuckle, I can't speak, can't think i have to look away and just pretend i'm actually interested in what's in the scope. I was huge today, because I couldn't just be with her. I ran from station to station, making random girls laugh. when it came time to do the lecture. I was reporting on the plankton that float on top, called palagic plankton. At the end of it, I concluded with the remark that "often they will agregate at the top in groups of four and that is called a quadra-palagic. "

Not a single person laughed, I waited a 3/4 of a second, so I said, "that was a joke"
then they laughed
but out of the corner of my eye I made sure that she had that smile on her face. She must have a good life. Me putting my energies into making her smile. I have a good life too. I get to create it and then I get to see it shine. but come on... just friends. She's not a nerd-lover for the love of god, Its like she likes feathers because she likes to be tickled.
Erin. so many girls. and i don't want any of em except the one that doesn't want me.


And every second that I'm away from her, and them ,.... yes i am free.
free to meat a spiritual animus, free to jive, free to speak and jive, free to cry and sing to the winds of dark SF alleyways. Free to think about the wisdom and the terrors, free to learn the nitty gritty, the dirty little secret of the mind, free to explore the feeling of "someday somerhere there is a perfect forever" and I'm probably thinking about love.
You see, Christi is pretty sweet, but what if she is just human, and she is. I'm hers, but over time, what'll happen?She's such a sweatheart though,.... sarcastic but without the cynicism.

February 15, 2006

Dear Mr. , I mean Professor Erden, we don't have time to make our lab reports immaculate, elsevierian templates of intellectual glory. while working on the old one, I already have the new one to start. I am a bit baffled by your expectations, but am glad your challenging us. and I'm not glad that I sometimes feel like my dad. what a sad thing it is to sound like a go-getting finao(failure is not an option) dad. that ruined my mood.

I have to mention one thing. In lab today, which was a bit tedious.. well, there have always been these two kind of homely looking asian girls, and all they did was talk to each to each other in Chinese and do things together. They were a little cold to everyone else in lab. Today, I saw they had put their sample in the beaker, as you were supposed to, but I noticed a red color,
"wo, what's that, yours changed color?"
"no , it was a graduated cylinder, "
"yeah right, wow, look at that red, that is amazing"
at this she burst out laughing, her asian partner didn't knwo what was wrong with her she just looked at her and then at me, with an expression, "what did you do to her?", you wily magician."
It actually was kind of funny because it wa a graduated cylinder with a red bottom, as is common, and it was just sitting in the ice bath, it actually was the most unamazing thing, but a fool could easily just look and see a red color, and stupidly think that it was the new years extravaganza of color chemistry. man am I a fool, an international fool.

February 14, 2006 (Valentine's Day)

"oh, Christi, How wonderful life is while you're in the world"

I was in the fourth grade today. and guess who chose to sit next to me today in computer lab. Christi!
And she hit me! she said, "I don't know but I feel like hitting you"
and I said, "oh, that's not good. "
ha!, it was very very good.
Jamie, the TA, called me a creep and made me leave, but she was half-joking.
I think Christie sees me as a funny friend. i made sure not to look for very long into her eyes at any one time. only two occassions, and they were very short. I couldn't leave the lab, even after I was done, because Christie was there. She must have known, some guys were leaving and waiting for me, but I wouldn't leave, I kept trying to help Christie, but screwing her up, and it was funny to both of us.
R:"So what are you doing for Valentines day."
C:"Oh, nothing, i mean , i don't really celebrate it. "
R:"Yeah, my dad is the same way, he thinks its a ploy to get peoples money"
C:"yeah I mean , isn't it. like Hallmark"
R:"I guess, but I mean you don't see anything to the novel celebration of it for you know.... good feeling of one person to another."
"well... yeah well maybe if I was a couple.
"Yeah I'm not doing anythign either, its kind of a bummer, i mean it was good back in the day like in 3rd grade,and we all got cards.
"Yeah i know, and i baked my class 86 cupcakes"
"so you like to bake huh?"
"yup"
"did you ever have one of those plastic things for kids where they--"
"an easybake ,of course"
"-) oh."
"yeah but I dont' think it was really practical to have kids wait thirty mintues for a light to go off and get one brownie."
"yeah its a good thing those things they werent' dangerous either. I wouldn't want kids commititng suicide with their easy bakes. "
"you're just a ray of sunshine aren't you?"

Note: even if the last line was sarcasm, what a great thing for her to say!
oh well... no biggie, she will go back to her beerguzzling punkmusic listening white friends. and all will be good.
It's true I didn't ask her to do anything with me. It would have been too much. It would have scared her off. I'll take the slow approach. If she liked me today, she should like me tommorow and a week from now and months from now, and I for her. I'm testing myself too, you know. She is beautiful still...
oh a stupid joke. I said our change on the phylogenetic tree was "revolutionary"
and she said it was "evolutionary." she's making herself a nerd. interesting.

HWK(SKIP)
biology. an art. yes?
okay here we go.
so I missed lecture this morning so i am going to investigate the whereabouts. First look at the syllabus.
Origins of life
-Life is a continuum? it extends from the earliest organisms through various "phylogenetic" branches" to the great variety of forms alive today.

-The "diversification" of life on Earth began over 3.8 billion yrs ago.
-Geologic events have altered bioevolution. (Pangea's breakeup)
-life has changed the planet also. (O2 releasing bacteria have formed the atmosphere, Homosapiens have changed land water air)
In a phylogenetic tree. one can see the major life shaping episodes.
God the extinction of dinosaurs was so not far ago. precambrian and paleozoic are huge. jeez.
Instead of timeline you can use a clock analogy:
1-cell eukaryotes at around 7:30PM, Spermy origin of fungi and animals at 9PM
Earth is about 4.5 to 4.6 billion years old. jee that's ancient
and it took a billion years b/f life showed up.
In the first 2 billion years. there were just microscopic unicellular aquatic things, so if you took a time machine, you probably wouldn't notice anything.
No fossils found in those old 3.8bil rocks.
oldest were australian 3.5 billers and those were already bacteria looking.. so life musta stoarted way b/f.
prokaryotes dominated 3.5 to 2. THere was a split along the way, where it split into bact and archaea
Stromatolites are a great place to see what happened ... these are mats of fossilized microbes. They are from vent habitats.

Life on young earth:
very hot from volcano
meteors all over the place.
sun is a bitch(no ozone)
hardly any O2,
Water, H2, Methane, Ammonia, CO2, CO, Nitrogen and H2S all in theair.
a REDUCING atmosphere..... gives electrons. so alkanes were being made if ever.
MOST scientists think that life here came from dead materials that joined together(probionts) that were capable of replicating and metagolism.
Greeks had a similar idea of spontaneous generation.

Louis Pasteur conducted broth experiments that said NO to the idea of spontaneous genereation of microbes. spoil only by INVASION from outside.

biogenesis says all life today came only by reproduction of preexisitng life. but No O2, intense energy sources but very conducive conditions for the start of living organisms.

so one credible hypoth is chem and phys props gave rise.
4stage scenario
1. small organic molecules
2. polymerization
3. selfreplication
4. packaging into protobionts

This has been tested. 1920's they synthesized organic compounds from organic precursors. reducing environment, helps simple molecs to become more complicated ones. Lightning and uV provided good energy.

Miller and Urey tested the hypothesis by creaing conditions of early earth.
Many amino acids were made. and fatty acids, sugars. all 5 nucleotides, ATP.

Abiotic synthesis of simple organic monomers:
Abiotic origins says no enzymes or cell equipment needed for POLYMERIZATION.
life is what i got, its within my reach.

polymers are formed in CONDENSATIOn reacitions that allowed formation of H20 through Hydrolysis. (really? I thought hydrolysis was the cleavage by H20

Polymers ahve been created by dripping water on rocks and sand. ... polypeptides were created by dripping amino acids on hot sand. Zinc and iron will make them even longer.

Short polymers of ribonucleotides can be synthsezied in the lab.
if it is added to a bunch of monomers. then it will pair up to its complement on its own. the first step to self replication. With Zinc it gets up to 40 base pairs.

1st genes were short strand of RNA. RNA molecules are important catalysts, (ribozymes)
RNA molecules could probably replicate with the help of ribozymes.

Lab experiments have shown RNA seq can happen in abiotic conditions.
RNA molec have a genotype. nucleotide seq and a phenotype, 3D shape.
Under particular conditions, some RNA sequences are more stable and replicate faster. selection screens for most stable for self replication. RNA was a scaffold holding some amino acids to gehter so that they could form a weak link. its here today with rRNA. could make its own enzyme replicator perhaps.

Before living cells.... protobionts. they could isolate one environemtn from another surrounding one. Like liposomes. a moleular bilayer is formed at the end of a droplet.
THey grow, engulf give birth. . welll, protobionts dont' reproduce precisely.If enzymes are around they are incorporated into the droplets. and the protobionts can take in substrates. and give off product.

I mean protobionts oculd have incorporated catalylsts but no real developed enzymes please. even with good life, it needs replication method to keep going.

Natural Selection could refine those with hereditary info.
"molecular cooperation between protobiont and RNA.
ie RNA needs nice environ to make enzyme. and not have it snatched away by other RNA. and the protobiont could use the energy for its own purposes
offspring would have a mutation and so variation. (beginning of biotic diversity)
First organisms were chemoheterotrophic prokaryotes
chemoheterotrophs are those who ate for energy and carbon, they ate ATP.
First Crisis: the loss of abiotically formed ATP.
solved by glycolysis.
ten steps and ten enzymes.
with O2 pyruvate enters respiration.
but with out it you get pyruvate.
the net result is 2net ATP and 2NADH.
Second Crisis: loss of abiotically formed organic compounds in glycolysis.
those that could make their own organic compounds were favored.
Hence the autotrophs.
probalby used light to drive lectrons from H2S to fix CO2 into sugar. "photoautotrophs. "
no o2 production yet.
this is still 2.5 to 3.5 billion years ago. Sulfur is from the vents and volcanoes
then there was a switch someone decided to use H2O to fix Co2 into sugar, the cyanobacteria.... 2.5 billion years ago. THESE release 02 into the environment, had prokaryotes that acted like chloroplasts. THis 02 was toxic to most anaerobic organisms and killed many ofhtem off.
Third Crisis: accumulation of O2 in atmosphere.
selection favored those who tolerated andused it to their advantage... hence aerobic respiration. so there were prokaryotes that acted like mitochondria. so thi has been the reign of the great prokaryotes from 2-2.5 billion years ago.


great. so now i must fend off the angst that comes with having no date on valentines. should I dive into my MCAT and finish off the physics sections... sound like a deal...
Chips ahoy!

I just wrote this cool rap. now i just have to mix it. silly dell has no microphone software.

Afterwords

Woulda wondered the dimensions of my past life.
How many times have I gone through the same strife
‘nother kid , and ‘nother car on the freeway.
accident Heartattack or bad disease.
No stopping the one thing that keeps running on anyway.
Marley right, not a nuke but the sickled black clown of the cabaret..
Don’t tell me aint worth thinkin bout every now and then.
When the sky shakes on an airplane.and a man dies insane.
Wheres the love in the bleak dark in the quick change of scenery
When rats nibble on my crippled eye , it aint what I had in mind in the gallery
Fifty thousand years of discovery and still not a sound bout continuing.
It’s a matter of fact opposites attract. The born and the give back.belly up chest in.
So yo act like the big man on the thronery. Beer flows and gold shines like embezzelry
And your punch hits tremendously, precision swing and gallantry.
Your face rots off nyaheart bursts while sittin on a toiletseat.
Then the clowns makes parade of yo peasantry.
Wise don’t get that much time on the radio,
Wise to figure to be fearless. Its time to know.